I'm back at the dorms again :), which means i get to see jacen soonish :), when ever his parents drive him back.... hm.. thats about it, my aunt proff read my papers now they sound shiney. and um.... yeah i'm back. thats all
Tinyfirestarter out
oh and i brought a piece of dry wall back with me to college :)
Yep still home... writing papers, doing drawing homework, missing Jacen... did I mention I was writing papers? oh yeah I did, stupid school, don't they know I’m on break, I can't even hang out with "the Jessica Jones" what is up with that. I’m getting my hair cut today, it’s finally long enough to put in pigtails again, and I’m getting it cut, you may be asking why? Well my mom made an appointment.
I slept badly last night kept waking up...stupid brain; I even went to be early for once! No fair! That will teach me to think about what my body wants shesh.
Sleepy so sleepy... I need a nap.
Since I’m so tired I can't really think of anything else I want to say so... yeah
~Tinyfirestarter
My current emotion right now is Murderess rage, along with total lost of self worth...yep you guessed it I’m doing homework. Drawing homework to be more exact I was working on my drawing for 2 hours, still looks like S#!t, it on big ass paper that is almost as big as I am, I feel so over whelmed, and I can't just focus on one thing at a time, I also have my Damn English papers to write and revise, and my drawing definition homework, I feel like I’m drowning, and the reasons I do the work... because I have to?, is that it. It doesn’t seem relevant, I guess it is, but I also guess it doesn’t. Someone told me not to think of what it all means, but I can't help it. It’s the stupid question, I feel like I’m wasting my time. I think my time would be better spent staring at the wall. At least then I know it’s pointless, and I don't have to feel inferior while doing it. Totally worthless, I don't really have any confidence left, as if I ever had any to begin with, its all just a mask, and I don't even wear the mask well.
Is this worth getting upset about? Well its just one more thing to add to the already enormous pile of why I’m sad. So why not just shovel it on too, just for good measure.
I just want to go back to college land, not to do the work, but so at least the work is worth while. I guess I’ll go back to the basement, numb what ever it is I’m feeling, and just do it. Sure its degrading, sure it makes me feel like crap, sure I don't care anymore, but I have to do it... I guess.
Only a few more days till I go back. Sure that’s when its all due... sure I’ll also have to work on my drawing then... but at least I will have love.
I miss you
~Tinyfirestarter
I just had my first massage ever! oh god does that feel good!, like oh god. Very nice I highly recommend one, yep. My aunt is going to school to do that for a living, so I was a test subject :), heehee, and I didn't mind, nope.
*Sigh* I wish Jacen was here, I hope his dead turkey day if finding him well.
I declare today Fat day, where we stuff our face till it can't take anymore, then we top it all off with pie, cake and ice cream. OH and let us not forget the Hoursdevers before hand, just to warm up your stomack. I dont' know about you but we are haveing like a million diffreint kind of potatos, mashed, wedding, sweet, and thats just the ones i saw being made, and seeing as i'm up in my room most of the time... yeah you can imagine how much i'm missing.
I don't know exactly who is coming today, its like a suprize, i don't even think my mom knows who is coming, its like the army "don't ask, don't tell" very odd. oh well, family is faimly.
I talk to my sweetie last night :), that made me so happy, i just wish he was here, yep, i knew i should have stoleing him from his faimly. heehee.
i dont' thnk they would have aprecated it that much... but hey, whats agirl to do.
Oh OH and i get to see Tristan Tomorrow! gasp i haven't seen him in for ever and a day. here is wondering if i will remeber to give him his inu yasha cd back.. which i still have.. he could have gotten it back before he left if he just remmbered he was saposed to come over the day before he left, he was "ocupied" with his faimly. *shrug* it happens.
Hung out with Big chris yesterday too. he had fun storys ,and got to ride inthe big cat mobile. heehee i missed that car, yep... i'm still avoiding my drawing, my definitions and english homework... i don't want to do it. i have um... better things to do . like staire at the wall, or um... not do that stupid home work *grins* hm... lets see... gave my puppy dog Chew-Chew a bath today. cute little doggy. :) i so want to bring him back to college with me, and let him live in a fish tank. i dont' think he would mind... that much.
oh yesterday i also learned don't talk to the people in the dungions and dragaons store at the mall, and never i rempeat never express an intrest in learing hbow to play, they just come off as desprit. *Shesh*
I think thats it... never can be sure about these things... but if i think of anyting i'll add it latter
~Tinyfirestarter
Ok first of all let me say "pink flamingos" is a very very messed up movie. NOt for the sqemish or people who can't handle filth. SO.... i highly recomend it. defanily one of those must see cult movies.
Second i went to the mall to day, the crotch of orland, which incidenly has crabs... the vist was basicly a bust... but i got to hang out with "the alison" in her green beetle... yeah well i got a printer for graduation so :P take that.
I bought the new korn cd... *Gasp* i know... buying music what a concept.
I got my moms christmas presant. Its the new rod Stewart cd. how classy!
I got my dad some movies, i went for a varity they were 4 for $20, i got him Old school, road to perdition, hannibal, and Matrix reloaded.
My brother for christmas i got him a NIU band t-shirt.... sure these gifts don't sound very exvciteing but i think they will like them..
now the question is what do i get for the other people i have to buy for.... hm... i don't know i'm bad at this sorta thing. *shrug* all i can realy think about right now is how much i miss jacen, and how i wish he was there when we were watching pink flamingos. or when i was driving, or when i was out to eat (i had really good mexican! from the mexican restraunt were all the cooks hit on me, crazyness, they must like there women short, sorry boys i'm take'in) I'm waiting for his call, so i can't go to bed, i took a nap today so i should be fine. I just want to hear his voice... even if i can't see him. Its better then nothing.
I hope he is having fun and if you read this, i really miss you hon. one day down several more to go, we can do this. :) see you soon
~Tinyfirestarter
ok... as i stated earlyer i'm at home.. so i'm reading my senior year book, some of the things people wrote are really wierd.. so i feel like sharing:
Hey slore, IT has been so great with you over these past 2 years I will miss you so much, I will miss all of the fun, fun times in the back of Big CHris's car. "O baby!" so since you must leave, have a great time in college. nd remeber "no Glove, No Love"-- see you some day bye bill :)
HI
you make creepy pictures
bye bye Jessie meehan
Squirrls are evil and Nutty
p.s. keep up the art
p.p.s. learn how to spell.
shawn medima
"don't break to many keg taps, and alwyas wear clean or no underwear.
The jessicajones
"who is going to remind me to go tothe bathroom next year! I still think you're a brown noser! (read in a manly voice)" hope
"thank you for cutting the ruler for me. i really appreciated it, also firllling my finger dosen't really help me at all, WHAT WERE YOU THINGING. what else? oh spotting me when ever i was on stange okay thats enough of with that, i find it confusing i didn't know your last name and that you were a great artist until the last week :) -giovanni go
you can't see it but my art teacher drew a naked fat chick in my year book, crazy mr stefl
"why is it men only wnat to build things that look like dicks. case in point bullets, bombs, swords and st basils" bender
"your evil clone" lindsay pupa
"just remember sex is cheap! but a horse is cheaper. pie=3" josh
"sex is like pizza, if its good its really good! but it's bad it's still a little okay?" -Anon
"you got kyle to touch a girl!" " Best of luck at college*have save sex* have fun to hun- but who's going to help chris delever his babies" -steph
"prom was awsome. good luck and such. and remember don't trust a phillistine" Kyle Mangan
yeah i think thats all the really intresting ones.... yeah i think some of them thought i was going to be a sex craved drinking slore... i'm not! i hate to burst their bubble. and the lady across the street came over the day before i left gave me a hug and said "don't drink to much" gah! i don't drink, heehee i'm not a seriotipical college student. heehee
I've been home for less then an hour, i saw my puppy, how come he is smaller then i remeber *shrug* oh well. set up my computer and hear i am, i miss my sweetie already, but there is nothing really i can do about it, so i sit here on my computer for the off chance that he is going to come back before he goes home. this week will be full of "family fun", and drawing. the only thing i'm really looking forward to is seeing "the Rev", who i haven't seen in forever! and this short break i sapose is just preparing me for the long month when i won't get to see jacen that much.
Hm.... so if your reading this star shine i love you, and i'll talk to you as soon as i can *kiss*
And for the rest of you shut up, and no snickering! that message wasn't for you! I'm in love damn it, so leave me alone! *shakes fist at those who dare to laught*
oh and as i was leaving NIU, my C.A. was puting up a christmas tree made of condoms.... only at college. shesh.
~tinyfirestarter
It mystifies me why I obsess about things I can’t change. I fear change, in all its forms, and I’m not talking just about the bad changes, I’m talking about the good ones too. I feel if anything changes only bad will come from it. Which I know is not true, plenty of good has come from changes, things have to change otherwise everything is boring. I understand that, but I don’t, all at the same time. I feel messed up inside. I feared college in such a morbid way. But so much good has come from going away, I value my privacy, my alone time, and I value even more the time I get to spend with my love. I know I would not be able to do that at home, for 2 hours away is a long way, it is 2 different worlds, he did not exist to me before September 5. Now that I have discovered him I live in constant fear of losing him, but only when I’m not with him. It all seems so sappy when I type it. But I never thought I would feel this way, I am me, and I’m not supposed to have love. It is one of those unwritten rules right after “thou shalt not eat peas with a knife”. But it was worth the wait : )
And why does it seam that when I find one person to care about me, one of the people who cared about me drops off the face of the plant?
But that’s not the change I am fearing right now, I’mgoing home for thanksgiving break. How will the people I knew have changed, will they still be the same, am I still the same. I miss what we all used to have together, and I don’t know if we will ever have that again. Also there will be a lot of family time when I go back home. I fear that, I don’t think I can cope with my left over feelings about my grandmas death, I never fully acepted it, I don’t know how I couldn’t I was there the day she died, I saw her lying there all cold and life less, she looked so peaceful. Why can’t I just acept it! I was there at the wake, but it didn’t look like her, how I remebered her, but they never do. At the Funneral I half expected her to show up, because that wasn’t her in the casket, not in my mind.
I regret not spending time with her at my graduation partie, It was the last time I saw her when she was feeling semi good, she came to it for me. And I didn’t even see her that much, I didn’t relize that would be the last time I would ever get to talk to her in a non morbid way. I got to say good bye, I got to say I love you. But I wish I had more time, but don’t we all. Why her! Why! What did she ever do to you god! She loved you she belived in you, even after you did that to her. How could you? I think its easyer just not to belive in you, because it doesn’t seem to do any good to belive in you. What does it get people, nothing, oh wait it got them sclerderma! Yeah that’s right, years of pain and mysery.
I don’t think I’ll be able to go to my grandpas house. If I just keep beliveing my lie I have built for myself I will never have to truly deal with it. Hell if this isn’t really dealing with it, I think really dealing with it will make me explode.
Gr... what is wrong with the mail, didn't it used to be slow, hence "snail mail" I wrote a letter to my Sweetie so he would get it while we were on Thanksgiving break, so i mailed it on Friday, late at night.. so i figured, hey they won't pick it up till saturday, no mail sunday, the ealyest his faimly would get it would be Monday... which is ok since he dosn't see them till wensday, But no, some how by the majical power of the mail it got there early Saturday! how i dont' known! Thats faster then a yahoo email!, what the hell, here i am trying to be sweet and they have to go and ruin it. I'll kill them! yep kill them good! They got it all wrong with those postal killings acouple years ago, it wasn't an employe it was an angry girl friend, who was trying to do somthing cute, but was foiled! BAH!, oh well he got it non the less, i guess i should be happy, but grr... you mail you'll get your come-up-ins, they always do
You don't mess with me!
Here are some big things that messed with me and got there come-up-ins:
Wards screwed me with a telivision set in 8th grade = they went out of buisnesses
Ms. Morrain gave me a C, when she said i was geting an A = she didn't get relelected Mayor of Palos Park
THe Church= need i say more
(don't get me wrong religon is a wonderful thing, but its not for me)
(ask me about my theorys about Catholisim and Communism, they have more incommon then just the letter "C")
~Tinyfirestarter
its sunday its something o'clock, i'm to lazy just look at the time stamp. unless your also to lazy, and in that case , don't look at the time stamp, see what i care.
lets see i filled out my tuiton waver form yesterday, now i have to turn it in, so i get free money, the only requirements are that ou have to have a 3.0 in art classes and a 2.0 in all other classes, and you have to do some sorta commuinty servies, well not really... he said they don't check to make sure its real. so i could lie and they would never know, and he said marching band counts, so i'm all good.... i just need to think of stuff to do for next semseter... but i am going to host that murder mystery banquet dinner for Sandburgs drama club.
random thought of the day: i wish i was asian
~tinyfirestarter
Last football game of the season! we are playing eastern michigan, and we should win, since eastern michingan hasn't beat anyone yet, so i like those odds! oh there is a god because we're not playing the repeats in stars and strips for ever, sosa can go to hell, oh wait hes all ready there!
I'm eating a potbellies sandwich, wahoo. bets sandwiches ever!,
Aw man was i over tierd last night, ihad a bad case of the giggles, and mm... pie
lets seee... i wish i was sleeping but its all good i sapose, hm... i wish i didn't have the game today, then i could go with my boyfriend to meet his family, yep..
THis is one good sandwich, ok so i'm not thinking in cohearnt strains of thought today.. oh well.. as long as i play my music right , my arms don't fall off, and i get my 8-5 step size right for pregame i'm good.
mm... pain relivers
~Tinyfirestarter
its friday its 12 somthing, i'm in the middle of doing laundry. oh joy!, and eating lunch which consits of soup, and cheetos, and they say college kids don't eat healthy.
i need to revise my english papers, and such, plus start on my drawing final, and find a large format printer for my 2-d progect. i don't know wher i'm going to find that. oh well.. theres a marching band concert tonight, and a game tomorrow, yeppie. and the u band concert on sunday. i want my weekend for what i want to do! not to play stupid sosa and have my arms fall off gr..... then its monday, where there is class, and tuesday were there is more class and then i have to go home after i walk my sweetie to french class, i don't want to leave him, its not fair, hm.. maybe i'll just pack him in my suit case.... yeah... and by the time his parents figure out whats up, we will already be in orland... excilete!
muahahaa, i wish i could do that, but i think there may be some flaws in my plan, but i don't see them, but we can't see past the desisons we don't understand *shrug* oh well
~tinyfirestarter
my arms are going to fall off, does anyone want to donate their arms to my cause... or at least know how to sew them back on, any help would be apreacted
One of the elevators is broken again! and the other one sticks, so it takes forever every time the doors close, and I live on the 12 floor, so they close 10 times at least ever time I go back to my room. Some may say so why doesn’t that silly girl just take the stairs. And to that I say “hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah, I hope your joking because if your not, ahahahahahahah *continues to laugh in their face, pointing and laughing* Me go up 12 flights of stairs *aw man your funny, your so funny, but on a serious note: no way in hell is she walking up stairs if she doesn’t have to”
Oh and operation Lay out my huge ass drawing with the opaque projector was a success, but my drawing I have to do for Monday is um… less then finished, let alone even remotely looking like me. Oh well I’ll just have to alter my face, where did I put that sledge hammer, (just kidding, I wouldn’t do that, I don’t think, not for that silly drawing )
NO Soci today , that makes me happy yep happy.
Laundry tomorrow, that makes me sad.
But Jacen is coming over today, so that makes me Extremely happy! So happy
Hmm… lunchtime I think a bit hungry not really to hunger but I will be hunger, and besides I can’t really think of anything else to say…. Isn’t that a first?
~Tinyfirestarter
I hate drawing so much, and i'm so bad at it, so if anyone knows why i'm majoring in art feel free to tell me, because i just don't know anymore.
i can't even scream at my frustration, stupid 24 hour quite floor! GAH!!!!!!!!!
As i was siting on my microwave drawing my reflection in the glass, with the night background behind it (which is really F'in hard to do) i started thinking, why?, i have to stop thinking that, it only gets me pissed of and depressed.
If i was only a stronger person.....
This world is crazy, why do bad things happen to good people. Why must some people be so cruel, people perplex me, I’m glad I’m not a person. Nope definitely not a person. I know everything will work out for the best, it will just take time, entirely to much time.
Why is it when you want things to go fast they go slow, and when you want more time there is never enough.
This world is messed up!
I could have slept in today, but I woke up at 9ish, why? I’m still tired, but I can't sleep, psh.
Need to go to Neptune labs today to see if I can use their large-scale printer to print out my propaganda poster for 2-d class.
I have drawing class today, we are finishing up portraits that we started on Monday, loddy-frickin-da, mine doesn’t look like the person I’m drawing, oh but its not like I’ll ever use this again... oh wait our final is a self portrait, damn there goes that theory.
But you know what they say about theories, with a theory and 3.50$ you can buy yourself a coffee.
~Tinyfirestarter
tonight is my last u-band practise, and sunday is the concert...boo....stupid concert, it starts at 7pm, but i have to be there at 5:45pm, what the hell! and then i have to stay after to give back music, and so some stupid teacher evaluaion crap... grr... the director is a crazy man (and not in agood way)
But it is also my last drumline night rehersal! wahoo... no more midnight class! i'm so happy i can do other stuff on tuesday nights!, like um.... i don' t know, stufff... fun stuff.. yeah...
and this thursday marks the last marching band night rehersal too, what will i do with all this free time.
hm... i have a good idea, yep....
well alrighty going to meet my pregnat boyfriend bye bye
~tinyfirestarter
This compulsion to go to class
What inside of me makes the classes rule my life?
I would like to be doing other things
But I know these things would be drown
IN the shadow of disconcertment
What if I miss something important?
What if I fail because I don’t attend one class?
Its is all so illogical
So pointless
Can’t I just live in the moment
Can’t I just let it all go?
Be engulfed by the moment
Wrap myself in his sweet embrace
Live for the things worth living for
IN the moment
Instead I am living towards the future
Missing what is right in front of me
I am a slave to cultural expectations
I'm sleepy, yep, i don't know why, i've been sleeping alot lattley. *shrug* i don't know i blame it on my crazy brain, i mean honisly what does it know, it serisouly has a mind of its own, why can't it just do what i tell it to do. That would make things so much more simple. I guess i shouldn't complain, at least i don't feel sick to my stomack, poor sweetie. I blame Stupid history, i will hunt it down and kill it in cold blood, yep, thats what it gets for making people i care about sick!, *kicks histroys sorry ass*
I think i'm hungry, not really sure about these things. I know i should eat, because i haven't realy eatten anything today besides some coffee like bevrage, and cookies. (breakfast of champion) i used to be a healthy eather, what happen to that... oh yeah college *mudders* stupid college, with your classes and your homework, and your crappy food.
No english this week, thats a plus, tobad i still need to redo that one paper, and revis the other 2 i have. hm... i "should" probly do those soon...
Oh and i offical hate amizon.com, they are the devil, all i want is my micro set recorder that i ordered on the 11th, and they still haven't shiped it out yet! i mean come on! put it in a box and strap it on a turtle , and it will still get here faster!
hm... can't think of anything else to complain about... if i do i'll be sure to let you know. (as if anyone really reads this anyways *shrugs* it makes me feel better at least)
~tinyfirestarter
acorrding the highly reliable web test from: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv
i am going to;
Your fate has been decided....
You are one of the lucky ones! Because of your virtue and beliefs, you have escaped eternal punishment. You are sent to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
First Level of Hell - Limbo
Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.
so wahoo, i get off easy, and what makes this leval of hell so diffrent from the world i'm in now? *shrugs* oh well
We lost, which means i totally wasted my day, a day i could have be spending with my sweety, or in flordia with my faimly. But if i went to flordia i would have been gone for the entire weekend, and not been able to see him at all. And i have no idea why i wanted to go on the band trip, it seems like such a total wast, all i did was get pissed off the entire game because the dumbass (pardon my french) next to me can't even play the f'in school song right!, i mean for chirst sake, its the bloody school song we play 10 million times a game! get it right!
But when i got back to De Kalb, i saw his phantom shadow infront of his computer screen and i was happy :)
~ Tinyfirestarter
p.s.
i am not a stalker, nor am i obsesed :)
I"m going to be out of town today, or rather , i'm going to be out of de kalb today. Don't be to jelous, i've got a 5 hour bus ride to Toldeo, then a football game, and then at least a 5 hour ride back, we better win! Huskies WILL WIN! ther is no if ands or butts about it!
~Tinyfirestarter
P.S. wish us luck just incase :)
I'm in English class right now, we are supposed to be working on our web sites, but seeing as I’m done, and no one is asking me for my help... so I decided "hey you know this is a perfect time to post to your blog", not like I don't have time latter today. This is my only class today! Marching band was canceled, because we had a 3 week span between games, and we are doing a veterans Salute which is not comprised of “hard music", and we are only marching drill with one of the songs. But I do believe this show is going to make my arms fall off, because it is all Up crashes, and my tiny girlie arms can't handle the weight of my cymbals. If it happens it happen, not much I can really do it, I’ll just find some one to reattach them after they fall of *Shrug*.
For the rest of the day to today, my schedule is pretty much wide open. At some point I need to do my laundry, and at 4pm I need to register for my classes for next semester, I hope I get the classes I want, because that would be sweet, it means I wouldn't have any classes before 11am, oh yeah, no more 8am classes! I should get the classes I want, because I get to register before most of the other freshman, because I have previous college credit. Oh yeah AP studio art, quantitative literacy, and comms.
I get to see my sweety after English; witch is why I haven’t asked if I can just leave English class. Sure I only get to see him for 10 mins, but it’s worth it. :)
I also think I’m going to start my drawing homework today; I have to do a shadow drawing, in charcoal, on velum paper. I don't know how long that will take. I also need to solidify my idea for my final for Drawing class, and try out some of the techniques I’m going to use.
~ Tinyfirestarter
I need to order more water today, (stupid De Kalb water having Salt in it) and they said the soonist they could deliver it Saturday.... Ok well I’m not going to be in town Saturday between 5am and midnight... so they said oh well we could deliver it today, that’s crazy
During Marching band while I was freezing my butt off, I had an interesting conversation about Jesus and what kind of beer he drinks, I said I thought he was a Guinness man but Cheryl thought he was an MGD or miller light man, but that’s a lie because Jesus never dose anything light. Some random guy said he drank Coors, now I know that’s a lie for a fact, Jesus would not drink crappy beer. Go figure
We also discussed the nativity, and if there were horses at the time of Jesus and if so, why didn't the wise men ride them instead of camels. I said because camels are the low riders zero ad. But what if the Camels spit on the savior? to that Cheryl replied they valet parked them at the inn, just because they didn’t have any rooms available didn’t mean they didn’t still have valet parking.
I leave you with that thought
~Tinyfirestarter
gah i have a u band concert coming up on the 23... i dread it... i think my lips are going to fall off, or my cheeks will inplode or somthing these are the songs we are playing:
The silver quill
Third suite (has 3 movments)
hym for band
past time
childrens march
washing ton post march
king cotton march
larenie d' amour
the liberty bell march
the last days of pompeii (3 movments)
semper Fidelis March
art is clling for me
the thunderer march
Symphony on themes from joh phip sousa mut II after "the thuderer"
Stars and stripes forever
Oh god i'm going to die!, that is way way way to much sosa, for any oboe player to have to play. i highly recomend not going, i know i woudn't go if i wasn't in the dang band.
~tinyfirestarter
Why?
This is the simple question that consumes me thoughts
Is it so simple it alludes me?
All the wasted hours spent wondering
pondering what dose it all mean
Why do these things exist
is my head hurting because of the stake of reality
the world pounds through my temple
But what is this reality that alludes me
I am no stranger to the dangers this world has
They seem so care free; small and happy with content.
Simplicity is the name of their game
I strive for a less complex life
But to no avail
Each attempt pulling me deeper into the void
Few hands break the darkness
when they do there are more radiant and precious then any material possession
My mood changes with their presents
But when they leave the darkness takes no time to return
Angry from the presence of those who dare challenge to chase it away
For I wish they would never leave me.
Keep me safe from the darkness
My selfish wish is just that a wish
nothing more then a dream
that leaves when the real world beats me up.
They are there to heal and diminish the wounds
so I am able to go on.
Marching to my so called destiny
I need to go back to wallmart to get a tape revorder, i was jusst there on saturday because thats where the bus droped of us to see the matix... remeber... i bought bread, but i don't think i will be able to go back to wallmart till the weekend... Because as scully said "mulder THERES NO TIME!" maybre i can barrow one from teh music departmetn or somthing or perhaps some one has one i can barrow.
I went to sleep early yestreday around 10ish, man that felt so goodd.. shocco had sucked out my energy... and danceing, danceing made me tierd, but that was fun... so id idn't mind that as much, and that only made me tierd becasue i'm out of shape. and we danced almost everydance so thus tierd.
I'm going to try to take school/classes one step at a time, i have a tenancy to over whelm myself... go figure... me puting stress on myself... thats just crazy talk... i'm not a compulive worrier... oh wait sure i am.. i'll worry about everyting... gah need to fix that... i'll find away... some how...
~tinyfirestarter
I just found the piece of paper in my backpack that was reminding me of somthing funny i wanted to share. I had brought a can of manderin orgagnes to eat in 2-d class, after i was done eating them i peeled off the lable and i put it in the indide of the can. Some girl walked up to me in a serious voice asked "how did you turn the can inside out?", I had to stop myself from laughing in her face beccause that would have been mean. I instead calmly explained that is was majic, SHe could tell i was mocking her andshe proceded to give me a ditry look, feeling bad i then explained that i just put the lable on the inside of the can and that it wasn't inside out because that wouldb e imposible. Duh! i thought that was a no brainer.
This was a good weekend all and all, lets see I’ll start off from where I left off. I was going to see the matrix and was afraid a big head was going to sit in front of me, well there were a couple seconds were I thought this dad was going to sit in front of me, with his big head… but luckily (for him) he didn’t. hm… yep that was one damn good movie, I highly recomed it, and the cridicts were just on crack when they said it wasn’t any good. Yep defianly on crack, or they were jeleous that there not the matrix. Lets see… after the movie we went to wallmart (the evil empire) for bread, because mine had gone rancid earlyer in the week. So I got bread for 89 cents and we proced to wait for the bus. Nothing like good company while waiting for a bus , oh I got crappy grape pop, and it was the good stuff too, for only a quarter oh yeah! Hm… then we walked back from where the bus droped us off…. Brr… that was cold… then we put 20 gigs worth of files on my computer and “watched” fight club (it should be noted that I slept threw most of the movie). When the files were done trastering (silly 10 mb connection) we tried to format and install windows 2000 again, the stupid disk must have been corupt, because we kept getting errors, and it woudn’t go. So we went to brunch…. Then tried to download an image of the cd, but that was no use because bit torrent was being silly! Then I started my “B” drawing but I couldn’t draw boobs, bongs, blunts, beer,, or butts. Man those are all the things I wanted to draw, meh I drew a bra instead. And rember “There is no purple bra” that brings me up to what I’m doing right now… well I’m oviouly writing in my blog.. so yep… I need to do an elipse drawing, and finish up my drawing terms… and write a 4-5 paper on buffy the vampire slayer… and um… study for soci… and write a extra credit paper for that class…. And um.. now I’m just stalling because I don’t want to do any of that. Well yep I guess that’s it.
~tinyfirestarter
*yawns*
I’m sleepy silly not going to bed till around 2ish, crazy band formal. Well I guess I blew my cover as not liking to dance, oh well, we danced almost the entire night, and I thought my legs were going to fall off. But good news they didn’t! And to think I was tired when I got there! Silly silly, well I’m going to see the Matrix revolutions today, this should be awesome, I hope a big head doesn’t sit in front of me again. I’ll slay him good, what makes the tall people of this world go into a movie theater pick out the smallest person in the entire theater, and go and sit right in front of them then the short person can’t see because of there big fat huge head! and you might be thinking, oh that doesn’t happen that often, or maybe there weren’t any other sets, like hell there weren’t any other sets, gah! And it doesn’t happen that often, that is laughable, almost every time I go to a movie or play a big head sits in front of me, I’m going to bring a knife with me one of these time, just you wait and see, I’ll be plasted all over the news.
~Tinyfirestarter
all right i'm all sexy-afied, and ready to go to the band formal and dance my brains out! i got on a dress that is very un-me its strapless (gasp) and purple, and i put on make up, (gasp again) and it gose with out saying that i'm wearing my gym shoes (well at least bringing them). OH yeah NIU band has never seen the likes of my danceing before! get ready to party when it looks like i'm haveing a sezure! dance dance!
~tinyfirestarter
yep its offical i'm board.... i've resorted to painting my nails for the band formal tomaro night. I feel so girly, oh wait i have Manson playing in the background, thats better. so.. this has been a very long week. some might say too long, infact i say to long. but tomaro is friday, and marching band was cancled, and there is the dance, and i'm going with my sweety, it will be fun. i'm wearing a very un me dress, its strapless, purple and sparkly, and it gose with out saying that i'm bring my tenis shoes to wear, yep..... and i may or may not be going to toledo for the game, we don't know yet. some admistion thinks that the marching band its a portable toy you can dimantal and take places.... silly people
~tinyfirestarter
Happy Matrix day!, sure i didn't go and see it or anything, but it came out.
and I would just like to say i love not haveing a roommate :)
~tinyfirestarter
Grr... rain, I really don't hate it, well ok... I do sometimes; it’s more of an unconvinced then me actually hating it. I like the smell of it, I like the feel of it, I just don't like being wet when I have to go some place, or if I have to walk in it, or it keeps me from getting to a computer were I can instant message with the person I want to talk to. I am stranded in the music building; sure I have a computer but a hell of a lot of good its doing me if I can't even talk with my love. I'm writing a blog entry to relieve my boredom, for god sake, this is crazy. I can't even go to get real food. all I have is this stupid candy, which is all well and good, but I need more then just a sugar height to get me through tonight, I have drum line till midnight and I’m going to have to walk home in the rain.... gah why dose the rain have to be so inconvionte,
Why won’t they let me have install rights on this computer (oh wait I know the answer to that one *snickers*)
Why do I have to be here, when I could be there, with them?
Stupid wet pants, stupid useless computer that I am typing on.
Stupid body for wanting real food.
Stupid me for being sleepy.
Stupid stomach for hurting.
Stupid brain for making me feel obligated to go to classes instead of ditching them for better things :)
Stupid left hand for being slower then my right hand when typing, or maybe its not really my actual left hand but more of one of the fingers, when I find out witch one it is... oh its going to get it... ok... so maybe it won't.
Why is it that I can verbalize my thoughts so much better then I can write them. I can analyze anything I watch if I can give an oral presentation on what I have seen, but if I need to write something for a class I freeze up and stare at a blank sheet of paper. Or if I do manage to write something down my thoughts are ether mechanical or confusing, and this is if they even make sense at all. Most of the time because of my Horrible spelling my point is obscured to the point of no return, my thoughts are no longer my own, and I am left with something that is a far cry for what I set out to say.
Perhaps my teacher is right and I need to just speak my words into some sort a recording device, to better capture my thoughts, she recommends dragon speak… or something like that, well all I know is I have to do something. Because I will just have to write more and more papers as college goes on.
Also why do I tense up and get nervous hen ever I talk to people and as a secondary response (that I can’t control) my eyes start to tear up. What the hell I’m not sad or intimated by the people I talk to, but as a result of this action I can’t get my point across with out seaming helpless. Some frail little flower that wilts at any sign of confrontation, and that’s just not me at all. Stupid body, why won’t you ever behave.
I wish it was weekend, this weekend shouldn’t have counted, it was boring and not very productive, and MOST of Sunday was a waste of time…. Oh well…life goes on.
~Tinyfirestarter
ok.... in theory shouldn't a car battery die, i mean if its alarm was going off for say 3 hours plus, becaues the idiot driver didn't know it was going off. and In theory If i had a tank, it woudn't matter if the battery would have died, because car would have gone splatty.
Bah homework… silly drawing class, we have to draw patterned fabrics for the homework, so… I deiced to draw my camo pants, and blue striped bra, I also threw in some underwear for good measure. We also had to put in some geometric items, so… I put in my bludgeoning flashlight, which looks suprizinly like a light saber, my awesome lap, and a needle to throw her for a loop. An interesting composition to say the least, I chose to draw it with white conte on black paper, for all those who don’t know what conte is, its kinda like charcoal, but white. After I had been drawing for 40 mins I had to start all over, for some reason. Bah so I erase it all, start again, and draw for an hour. My mind starts to go numb from drawing so I start thinking hmm… you should do your dishes, so I did. Then I go back to drawing… draw for 30 more mins and think hmm… your floor is filthy you should vacuum it, so I do. You know I have to be board when I start to clean! I never clean , like ever! Crazy oh well. Yeah so I’m still not done with the drawing I’m taking yet another break, wahoo procrastination, well I don’t think I’ll call it procrastination I’ll call it, “I’m trying to save the little sanity I have left time” Yep that works better, doesn’t’ make me sound as lazy.
Hmm… at the end of this entry I’ll leave you with this thought, why is it every time I clean my room it ends up looking messier?
~Tinyfirestarter
I am such a weenie, I get all ready to go to a party which starts at around 11pm, so I set my alarm, get all dressed in my little red riding hood offit, get down starts, and just say to hell with it and come back up stairs. Why would she do that? So may ask, well strike one against the party, I don’t’ drink, strike 2 its raining, strike 3 I’m tiered, strike 4 I’m feeling apathetic. I really only have one thing on my mind right now, so I’m going to go back to sleep to dream out that, so night night…. And remember Parties can be fun, If you’re not a square like me.
~tinyfirestarter
Yep I had Marching band today, which constied of walking up at the butt crack of dawn (which is around 7am) to go to practice, then I had to run back to the dorm room change shove food in my mouth which consited of soup, a peanut butter sandwich and apple and some pretzels. Then I had to run back to the circle thingy for Huskie preview, after that we marched through all the drunks as they offer us beer and try to shove cheesy poofs in our mouths. After all that we finally make the game. Our half time show was school house rock, which was a big change form the song about whores we did last time, and we did the thong song before that. To make a long story short we beat the crap out of Ball State and that brings us up to 8-1 record! wahoo.... hm... Perhaps I should take a nap before I go to the Halloween party I have tonight, yep I’m going as little red riding hood. So... yeah I nap now.
~Tinyfirestarter